Home Beauty recipe Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Dr Brent Ridge share their marriage tips

Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Dr Brent Ridge share their marriage tips


Because marriage is an ever-changing experience, we are constantly changing, changing, and in some cases, constantly starting over. In It’s No Secret, couples share their thoughts on engagement and tell us what they’ve learned, revealing their secret to making it work. (Answers are modified for context and space.)

who Josh Kilmer-Purcell, 52, and Dr. Brent Ridge, 48

Professions Together, they own Beekman Farm, a goat farm in Sharon Springs, NY, and Beekman 1802, a skin care brand.

Their wedding Eight years, three months and more

The couple married on June 28, 2013 at their farm in upstate New York, near a pasture atop Matrimonial Hill. “We wanted a traditional, non-traditional wedding,” Mr. Kilmer-Purcell said. “We put 300 reservations online and told everyone they were invited. The first to get tickets – friends, family or fans – got a seat. Each guest was invited to bring a celebratory dish and a corresponding recipe. “Martha Stewart brought her hard-boiled eggs,” Mr. Kilmer-Purcell said.

Mr. Kilmer-Purcell and Dr. Ridge met in December 1999 in an anonymous AOL gay men’s chat room. “I was a drag queen and a die-hard party animal – I wanted to clean up my act,” said Mr. Kilmer-Purcell, who at the time was publicity manager at Kirshenbaum Bond & Partners in New York City. “I heard you can meet people online.”

Dr Ridge, a transplant recipient from North Carolina, had recently arrived in New York for an internal medicine residency at Columbia University Medical School, and had yet to disclose his homosexuality.

“We chatted on the internet for four hours,” said Mr Kilmer-Purcell. Other chat sessions followed. Dr. Ridge remained shy.

But eventually Mr Kilmer-Purcell asked enough questions to find out where Dr Ridge lived, what time he got home and what tube station he got out of (West 168th). “I told him I was going to be at his metro station at a specific time and date,” he said. “If he wanted to meet me, he knew where I would be. It was 50/50 he would show.

On March 15, 2000, they saw each other in the metro stairwell. Dr Ridge was courted for Chinese food; then there was a kiss, the first with a man. They dated for 18 months. “Brent was not ‘out’ at work or with his family,” said Mr. Kilmer-Purcell. “He wasn’t ready to be with someone. But I knew in my heart that I loved his heart.

A turning point came when the couple landed in Paris on September 11, 2001, ignoring the terrorist attacks in their country. “Relationships are an accumulation of shared experiences,” said Mr. Kilmer-Purcell. “It suddenly became the two of us against the world.” A few months after returning home, the couple moved in together on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

In 2006, they went apple picking in Sharon Springs and came across an old farm with 100 goats that was for sale. It was there that they began to create beauty products made from goat’s milk, and Beekman 1802 was born. Two seasons of “The Fabulous Beekman Boys”, a reality TV show about their life on the farm, followed.

Dr. Ridge proposed a ring in December 2012 which he designed with the help of a local blacksmith.

Mr. Kilmer-Purcell Brent wakes up singing Christmas carols. He is eternally happy. I have anxiety and depression and tend to see the negative. It is soothing and reassuring. He reminds me that happiness is possible even though I cannot achieve it on my own.

Unlike me, Brent is very sure of himself. He is analytical and directed. He sets goals, follows a path and achieves whatever he wants. He is stubborn and has blinders. I took off the blinders. I brought uncertainty, possibility and chance to her life. It made him more adventurous and cautious in a good way.

It made me more focused, helped me achieve things, and added discipline. He has a different perspective on what’s going on; it propelled me forward and into the next big thing.

Before I met him, I was absorbed in other people and situations that were not good for me. I used to put myself last to please everyone. He taught me to say no to things. It made me smarter about where I put my energy and focus.

We work because he found me intriguing, fascinating and couldn’t understand me. I was that strange thing to him. I think he felt I needed help and direction. And he gave it to me. He wouldn’t have been out without me. A relationship would have been too complicated for him to understand. I think he would have remained single. If he does not know how to take the next step, I am there to support him, and vice versa.

I was in a mess and at a point of transition when I first met him. I was trying to find a new path. I had no plans for what I would be next. When I was young I thought I was responsible for myself and anything that came my way was on my own. I couldn’t have done anything so rewarding or rewarding on my own. I wouldn’t have a piece of the life I have today without him.

Dr Ridge I grew up in a very conservative religious environment. I never had the idea of ​​dating a guy. Part of going to New York was because there were a lot of homosexuals. Our first kiss was worthy of fainting. I had never had this deep emotional and electrical connection. I was in love with him from that first date.

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Before I met Josh, I didn’t think people were without a second thought. Meeting this genuinely kind person who has never broken my heart is the height for me. I was hiding pieces of myself; it unleashed my potential and allowed me to be who I am and explore who I was. Once I got out it was a drain on everything I had left untapped in my life.

We have developed a deep admiration and love for each other. We learned what each person’s triggers are and how to defuse situations. I learned to think before him when it came to his own emotional reactions. I know what situations will bring him joy and satisfaction, and what little gestures of affection, welcome and validation I can make to make him feel heard and understood.

We have learned to be open with our emotions, to ask for help, and to accept ourselves 100 percent. We don’t always agree, but we have learned to negotiate with each other to maximize happiness together.

Much of his life has been controlled by his anxiety, depression, and fear of being hurt. He knows there is nothing he can do to get me to leave him; it’s a huge safety net for him.

I was always afraid of being judged. It was extremely difficult for me to express my emotions and connect with people. It has helped me to be more expressive and to explore, accept and understand my limits. It completes me because it allowed me to accept myself as a homosexual. He enlarged my world and gave me permission to be who I really am. It’s deep.

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