I hate to admit it but I’m addicted to plastic surgery. I am a 29 year old bachelor who graduated from Harvard MBA with a great job in New York. I have already undergone several cosmetic surgeries including a facelift, rhinoplasty and breast surgery. I am embarrassed to admit it but I am already considering other procedures. I have consulted the best cosmetic surgeons in the country and yet I am never satisfied with the results. I should also mention that I am a “sugar baby” and have had financial and sexual arrangements with sugar dads since I was 20 years old. It has helped me pay for my education since I am single and separated from my family for many years. I realize that I have a lot of problems – I drink to the point of passing out and I’m obsessed with pornography. After reading some of your articles in Dan’s papers, I decided to write and see if you can help me.
Rhianna, Southampton and New York City *
* (“Rhianna” has become a patient of mine. I have changed all credentials to protect her anonymity and confidentiality.)
It took a lot of courage to reach out, and it’s clear that you have a lot of issues, past and present, that need to be recognized, addressed, and resolved. The good news is that you realize that you need help and cosmetic surgery is not the answer to the problems you have already identified. I congratulate you for realizing that it’s better to solve your problems at 29 than to spend your whole life on a roller coaster, a ride that probably won’t end well.
It has become virtually impossible to browse popular magazines and newspapers without stumbling across all kinds of beauty products that promise to keep us forever young. Watch all of the âextreme makeoverâ shows that appear on television. Cosmetic surgery has become common. In 2020, 17.5 million minimally invasive surgical and cosmetic procedures were performed in the United States. The United States is the first country in the world to perform the most cosmetic surgeries and procedures. Brazil is far behind.
Women and more and more men are flocking to doctors in record numbers for Botox, laser surgery, diet pills, breast augmentation, breast reduction, rhinoplasty, tummy tuck, facelifts, blepharoplasty ( eyelid surgery), body facelifts, permanent makeup and even male “enhancements”.
Designer clothes, handbags, shoes and jewelry – many of these items costing thousands of dollars – adorn the covers of magazines. People yearn for bigger houses, expensive cars and all kinds of âmaterial toysâ, believing that outer beauty and an extravagant lifestyle is the recipe for true happiness. Commercials and TV commercials continually reinforce the idea that if you are a beautiful woman marrying a handsome, wealthy man, you will live happily ever after in a waterfront mansion. Not true!
What is true is that being physically attractive and not having to worry about paying your mortgage or putting food on your table is definitely a plus in life. Treating hundreds of the richest, best educated, and “successful” men and women in my private practice taught me something else about fame and fortune.
The real lives and relationships of the rich and famous (not the lives interviewed superficially on the red carpet or at benefits) are no happier than the majority of people in general. Clearly, having a lot of money and being beautiful does open doors. However, once inside, we all still need to face our inner selves, our demons, and our relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly. If we don’t address our depression, anxiety, and other psychiatric issues – including drug and alcohol issues, gambling and porn addictions, as well as our dysfunctional and often abusive relationships and sexual challenges – our money and extravagant lifestyle will only alleviate the pain. temporarily.
What are the consequences of not intervening to face your demons? In my experience, the majority of people, both men and women entering therapy, have had a variety of physical problems which include insomnia, high blood pressure, migraines, gastrointestinal issues, high cholesterol, back problems, ulcers and a variety of other physical problems. aches and pains. When these brave men and women gave themselves permission to finally stand up and deal with their psychic pain, the majority began to feel much better, not only emotionally, but also physically. Keeping a stiff upper lip from the crackdown is a sure recipe for disaster. If we continually âstuffâ our emotions, those unexpressed feelings of pain, anger, disappointment, depression, rejection, humiliation, disrespect and abandonment will surely find a place to lodge somewhere in our. body.
So what is emotional and mental health? Emotional and mental health occurs when we successfully face our pain head-on so that it can finally subside. Only then are we truly able to embrace a joyful life. Good therapy with a knowledgeable and caring therapist can be a valuable contributor to this better life.
Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better For Worse Forever: Discover The Path To Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, guest national radio and television expert and host of The Ask Beatty Show on the progressive radio network. She has private practice in New York and East Hampton.
Beatty would love to hear from you and welcome your questions and comments. Email him at [emailÂ protected] or visit BeattyCohan.com for more information.